change.

I don't know how graceful I am with change, maybe my closest friends know for sure. I'd like to say i welcome it, but it probably completely depends on life at that moment. sometimes, like waiting expectantly for spring, change is good. other times, in the heavy routine of teaching and church, change can make me kind of crazy.

I remember anticipating my wedding day. I still feel like I haven't aged much over 18 years old...again, my friends can probably say 'truth. she hasn't.' but marrying a pastor at 24, I thought I'd remain the same, adventuresome, whimsical southern gal from Ala/Tenne/eorgia. (that's Jenny-ese for Alabama/Tennessee/Georgia). 

change entered, like..two minutes after the wedding ceremony ended. suddenly, it's not about me and oh my gosh he wants to eat dinner EVERY night?? and, even better: oh shoot. I just married the church. what.did.i.do.

but, God. shaping me, shepherding me. keeping me from harm.

when I found out I was going to be a mom, I thought it would be SO FUN and SWEET to have a daughter. just strap her to my back, I'll take her anywhere! no biggie! i heard lots of advice-givers say I'll never be the same, having a baby will take all my time, money, sanity....

nah. and I set my jaw against it. not me. 

but change. again. I thought those nights would never end. even though I didn't sleep, just seeing the sun rise gave me hope. I walked miles that summer with her in the stroller sleeping soundly, as I found that was the only place she would nap. i detested nursing as I quickly realized I'm the only food source in the house. 

God, in His goodness, changed me. is changing me. thank you, Jesus. He has this loving way of wrenching my heart out of my chest and laying it on the kitchen table, for all to see. oh, look. selfishness. wow, check out that ANGER. and my goodness, what a lazy bum! 

change with kids and needs and ideas and people happens a lot these days, it almost makes my head spin. I know I am not alone. how can we embrace it as His Sovereignty, His Provision over our hearts? drawing us ever closer to His great love and mercy.