tomorrow is Christmas Eve, I just can't believe it. this last year seems like just a few weeks, and yet light years have passed. there wasn't one mediocre stage to this past year, it was stretching on all sides.
I bet we can all agree. yes, nod your head.
but looking back, so very good. God made a way, where I couldn't see clearly. I see that in some things. and others, that way is still dim with no light, no answers....yet I cry for more faith. more faith, where there is none.
at the end of this year, Emmett and I have begun the process of respite foster parenting. . giving foster parents a break, so that they press on in love and strength and do not give up loving the unwanted. during the Big Interview Day where the lady comes and asks deep probing questions from our Big Bad Past....a stranger, wanting to know it all....and after hearing of our Present Life, he with two vocations (which, I detest the term 'bivocational' as that tells others he has one full time job and one part-time, when it is in fact two full-time jobs, but isn't that life? full to the brim. Jesus has no calendar, nowhere do we clock in and clock out. a willing spirit, He says..)...she thought for a minute and said "I'm not sure I would recommend you for full time foster parenting. I think respite is a good start." I nodded, Emmett nodded, we seemed to agree..and yet as I thought about that more, as Christmas drew near and this burden of children remained on my heart....I'm not sure she understands.
you see, <em>nobody</em> would recommend us to embrace strange children into our home...our quite small, 3 bedroom, one-level home. our elbows are rubbing against each other. the kids sprawl in every available nook and cranny to construct race tracks, create worlds for dolls to play, I am constantly stepping over a checkers game....our living room is a wrestling pad. while I read outloud, I also ask Jonathan to please make car noises softly, as there is simply no quiet nook to escape to. there is great beauty here, simplicity and ease...but more children? I wouldn't recommend us either.
and yet....He promises to provide. I believe we serve a God who is bigger than space, schedules, vocations, ideas, opinions, fears, and even common sense. And guess what...we know He uses us, His children. broken, sin-filled, creatures. why can't He use a small house with 3 little kids and two busy, filled-to-the-brim parents to love on and care for one...or two....of His unloved?
may I never...ever...limit Him. may I never hesitate to obey.
pressed out of measure and pressed to all length.
pressed so intently it seems beyond strength.
pressed in body and pressed in soul.
pressed in the mind til dark surges roll.
pressure by foes, pressure by friends.
pressure on pressure til life nearly ends.
pressed into loving the staff and the rod.
pressed into knowing no helper but God.
(unknown, not Jenny long)
Merry Christmas, dear friends. expect great and mighty things!
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